Grief in the Midst of Joy

When I say the word “grief”, who or what comes to mind? Perhaps you think of a beloved family member you lost, or a treasured pet you buried long ago. Maybe a recent lay off is what surfaces for you, or the ache from a break up still hangs around. If you talk to those close to you about grief within these contexts, most people would understand. They would tell you that it’s normal. “Give it time,” they’d say, “it will pass.”

But what happens when grief shows up in the midst of joy? You might know the feeling - you are starting a new job, closing on a house, or have finally been accepted into the master’s program of your dreams. There’s excitement, pride, anticipation, gratitude, and… 

Is that a hint of sadness? 

Where did that come from? 

This shouldn’t be here. Maybe it will go away if I just ignore it. 

This kind of grief is bittersweet, uncomfortable, almost sneaky. It’s harder to name for most of us. And yet, it’s a completely normal experience that is branded as problematic, leaving people feeling isolated and broken. After all, these are the moments we should be celebrating. We’ve worked hard, and we’re supposed to be happy now! 

But if we’re being honest, most transitions (even the joyful ones) carry some amount of sorrow. No matter which choices we make in life, there is always a cost associated. No matter how ready you are to move forward, every milestone asks us to leave something behind. Every beginning is also an ending. It’s okay to acknowledge and mourn what these new chapters ask us to let go of - old versions of ourselves, familiar places, or people we wish could be here to witness who we’re becoming. 

I don’t pretend to have all the answers about grief, but I do know this: we can’t fully step into what’s next if we don’t honour what came before. Grief is not just about being sad. It’s about love, attachment, and meaning making. So if you find yourself feeling down during moments that “should” be about pure joy, know that you are not broken, but human. Take solace in the fact that your life is filled with things worth grieving. 

I, for one, think that’s beautiful. 

It is my hope in writing this that someone out there will feel less alone. I hope it helps you take comfort in the fact that grief in the midst of joy is not a flaw, but a reflection of just how much you’ve cared. 

Nothing comes without costs, but what we grieve is evidence of how deeply we’ve lived and loved.